Time to Heal

Being so far away from my family, I have been watching family situations around me and others from afar, and I really do not understand why families behave the way they do towards each other. There are so many unhappy and tense relationships.  After years of bad feelings people seem to forget how loving these relationships were and the joy they brought to each other’s lives – and yet people are prepared to let little things get in the way of those very happy times.  I think it is time to start repairing the bridges that are broken within our families.
Life is too short for all this nonsense to go on and the stubbornness is like children in a playground.  For all of us, from all sides – no one gains anything from being mean, nasty, angry, unforgiving and opinionated. All this does is alienate people, push people away and the joy of family is destroyed because people aren’t prepared to accept those they love – their choices, their mistakes, their weaknesses…and most of what we think about others is rooted in our own insecurities, our own bitterness.  Everyone needs to accept and love!  There is no pleasure in feeling negative emotions about people because they are different to us or have said things that hurt, or have behaved in a way that we don’t like. People only do these things because they are hurt, insecure, unhappy, scared, feel vulnerable and want to protect themselves – as soon as we identify this in the way people respond towards us, we can deal with it differently – with understanding and strength.
Family members may have made choices that we wouldn’t have and I am sure we have made choices they wouldn’t have –  but that’s what makes us different and special and that is why we love family. They have said things that hurt us, and we have said things that have hurt them. They make us laugh and they make us cry. At their lowest or most challenging times they are scared!  How would we feel when one of them dies? That could happen at any time – and no matter what has happened in the past, no matter what we think about their life choices, is it worth the pain, anger, arguments and disagreements?
Often families disapprove of  husband or wife choices – to be honest, that really has nothing to do with us – they have chosen the other person and it is their life, their decision and their mistakes to make (if indeed it is a mistake). What we think, means nothing – if they have chosen happiness then so be it….if they have chosen unhappiness, then that too is their choice and comes out of their view of the world and how they see life.  We do not know what goes on behind closed doors and actually, that is why the doors are closed!  People choose their partners for many reasons – maybe he or she is handsome, beautiful, rich, or because they want to be dominated or they want to dominate their partners, or because they are insecure, or not – it really doesn’t matter – whether we would’ve chosen that partner or not, is not the point – we can’t help who we fall in love with – sometimes people see their happiness not as love, but rather as calm and stability in their lives – maybe not what we would have chosen. Sometimes people make a choice with their hearts and not their heads, or maybe only because that person shares children with them – maybe they don’t believe in love, but rather in family (staying together for the children) – that is their choice…their perceptions.
Families can be so are disappointing – few families love each other – love each other for what they are and for what they are not. Because of people’s own personal issues they are prepared to push everyone away –  and there will be such regret when people start dying – and regret lasts a very long time!
From all sides in any family there are issues – and there is no time like the present – it is time to mend these relationships. There is stubbornness on all sides (families are all from the same DNA after all) and on all sides people have taken things said to heart and have lashed back when all we need to do is to start understanding why people say things, why they have made those decisions and just accept them – and then love them for being who they are and not for their behaviour. Take yourself back in time – a time of positive interactions with other family members – doesn’t that just make you warm inside?
Everyone is to blame, because everyone has taken a stand and have refused to budge – we are all right and everyone else is wrong.  If we just take the view of ‘there is no right or wrong’ – we are just going to reconcile and enjoy the rest of our lives in happy, sharing, loving relationships. I think it is the stronger one who is prepared to make the first move.
Daily I see evidence of why it is so very important to heal these relationships before someone dies and irrespective of who started what and who said what and who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong’, I think it is time….to bring the love back into our families – they are all we have.
We can’t  let the past dictate our present relationships…we can’t allow the past to imprison us in the future. Choose happiness over unhappiness….why wouldn’t we?

One Comment on “Time to Heal”

  1. A brave and self-challenging meditattion … I have spent much time in growth groups and developed a certain self-challenging worldview. In this regard, I have felt myself alone in my family. In times of tension, people want to Win the Argument instead of solving the problem. Keep up the self-probe. It will always serve you.

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